Our intrepid hero glared across the vile cage in which he found himself trapped. He was pretty sure he wasn't winning that last battle and yet his opponent, a beautiful young assassin with fur like satin, had disappeared from the arena as quickly as she had appeared. Something wasn't right. And he had a nasty suspicion he was about to find out what.
Above him began a loud rumbling as slowly an enormous container was lowered in. It touched down just a few feet in front of him, all bright, plasticky and ominous. From inside the container, behind a strong metal caged door, two dark eyes peered out. What worried Whisky was not the indifferent look held within them, as if his presence barely registered with the creature at all, but the towering height from which they peered down at him.
The door swung open without warning and out stepped the beast. If anything, it suddenly looked even bigger. Whisky froze unable to move - this was clearly going to be over rather more quickly than he had hoped and there was nothing he could do about it. His life rushed before his eyes - a thousand grated carrot breakfasts, err...there was probably more but that was all he really noticed. The beast moved closer, closer and then...walked straight by as if he wasn't even there.
Quickly recovering his composure, Whisky seized this fleeting opportunity and lunged at the creature throwing everything he had into his most aggressive attack. He landed four feet to the ground, filled with the euphoria of triumph, raising his head up only to be greeted in return with a look of utter boredom from his opponent.
His usual tactics were not going to be any good here. For one, it's hard to deal a pummelling to the face when you can't in fact reach said face, even perched high on your rear tippy toes. He needed to try something else and fast. Moving carefully to within an inch of the creature, it was time to find out more about this Herculean warrior. Whisky stuck his face into its bottom as far as he could and inhaled deeply. He liked what he smelled. Time for a new approach...
We had another try at finding a suitable friend for Whisky Tuesday. If anything he seemed grumpier than before and when we did find girls interested in him he'd bop them on the head until they changed their minds. Out of desperation we started trying some of the other girls who were reserved or in bondings that may not be working out, if anything just to try and figure out what was going on in his head. And of ALL the bunnies we tried, guess who the only bunny in the whole Rescue he got on (and got it on) with was?
And yes, he really DID ride her around the place, though not in the way I had envisioned. To me, it seemed like it worked because she is too big to be threatened by his weird behaviour and her total lack of aggressive response gave him the confidence to let his guard down and start flirting. But trying him with her was largely just an experiment to figure him out and unfortunately, even if her other potential owner is willing to let her go, she isn't quite ready to be bonded and re-homed yet. So he is back home alone and will now have another few weeks to wait before we can move forward again.
Since he is still single and the only other part of the experience he seemed to enjoy was the "distraction snacks", it almost feels like all I've really achieved this last few days is that I have effectively taken him out for dinner twice. Still, bank holiday family outings, that's something I guess.
The carrier-taxi pulled up outside, the door opened and Whisky exited without even looking back at the driver. It had been another long day, but at least this one had a little romance. Whisky trotted across to the other side of his apartment. He just had time to notice the butler arriving with dinner as his eyes closed and his tired little legs gave way to a very, very big nap.